The Wexford Carol

Good people all, this Christmas time,
Consider well and bear in mind
What our good God for us has done
In sending his beloved son
With Mary holy we should pray,
To God with love this Christmas Day
In Bethlehem upon that morn,
There was a blessed Messiah born
The night before that happy tide
The noble Virgin and her guide
Were long time seeking up and down
To find a lodging in the town
But mark right well what came to pass
From every door repelled, alas
As was foretold, their refuge all
Was but a humble ox's stall
Near Bethlehem did shepherds keep
Their flocks of lambs and feeding sheep
To whom God's angel did appear
Which put the shepherds in great fear
Arise and go, the angels said
To Bethlehem, be not afraid
For there you'll find, this happy morn
A princely babe, sweet Jesus, born
With thankful heart and joyful mind
The shepherds went the babe to find
And as God's angel had foretold
They did our Saviour Christ behold
Within a manger he was laid
And by his side a virgin maid
Attending on the Lord of Life
Who came on earth to end all strife
There were three wise men from afar
Directed by a glorious star
And on they wandered night and day
Until they came where Jesus lay
And when they came unto that place
Where our beloved Messiah lay
They humbly cast them at his feet
With gifts of gold and incense sweet


My testimony is best borne through song. I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior, the Only Begotten Son of God. His birth was prophesied from the beginning, that all men might look to Him for redemption from death and sin. The miraculous birth of Jesus pales in comparison to the miracle of His Atonement. He is the Alpha and Omega and the author of our salvation.

Carl Bloch Exhibit

I had the chance to visit BYU's Carl Bloch Exhibit last week. It was stunning and wonderful to see the paintings I'm so familiar with. Here is one of my favorite of his images: 

I love Christmas, and I love the way light works in this picture. The darkness outside that permeates everything speaks to me and how the world would be without Christ. Most of all, I love the way the light radiates from the infant Christ. I love that while Mary is distinctly in the light, it is certainly Christ that is the source. I love the way the humble shepherds ignore all except for the face of the newborn Lord.

Sacrifice of Thanksgiving

This week in New Testament, we had the chance to self-guide our study instead of going to class one day. One thing our professor provided in our guide was the instruction to read Psalms 116 as a probable hymn that Jesus and his disciples sang at the Last Supper. The part I found most significant reads:

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.
O Lord, truly I am thy servant; I am thy servant, and the son of thine handmaid: thou hast loosed my bonds.
I will offer to thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and will call upon the name of the Lord."

I found this to be wonderful symbolism. I can imagine the Savior thinking of his upcoming suffering and death as he sang that his death would be precious in the sight of the Lord. Perhaps he recalled the lines about being the Lord's servant when he later declared in Gethsemane "not my will, but thine be done." The son of Mary, the woman who before Christ's birth affirmed her role as "the handmaiden of the Lord" truly offered the most immense and most important sacrifice - the sacrifice from which all thanksgiving may come - and never ceased to call upon the name of the Lord while he did it. What seemed an ordinary Psalm to me has become a testament of Christ's atonement. 

If You Keep Asking Questions...

Today, I had spiritual insight while watching the Magic School Bus. It came from Ms. Frizzle, directed at her student Carlos (who I just love for all his bad puns).



"If you keep asking questions, you'll keep getting answers."

This applies to our spiritual learning as well as Carlos learning about sound. The Lord is anxious to pour out wisdom and knowledge to us, but he will not burden people with knowledge or testimony they do not seek.

Essential to spiritual progression is asking questions, and learning about them. While it's difficult to take time to consider things beyond what we must do relatively soon, it's very valuable to reflect upon questions that don't necessarily need answers immediately. I believe that when we do, the answers will surprise us in their relevance to the way we live our lives. Answers to questions may spawn further questions.

Heavenly Father teaches us through many methods: there are the scriptures, the words of the prophets, inspired blessings, and our own experiences with the Spirit. I believe that He also teaches us through our more secular learning environments, through music, through stories - even the Magic School Bus. It is up to us to look for those teaching experiences and to ask questions. The Lord will teach us if we will only let Him.

Open Thou Mine Eyes

One of my favorite choral composers is John Rutter, and one of my favorite songs of his is Open Thou Mine Eyes. 

Open thou mine eyes and I shall see;
Incline my heart and I shall desire;
Order my steps and I shall walk
In the ways of thy commandments.

O Lord God, be thou to me a God
And beside thee let there be non else,
No other, naught else with thee.

Vouchsafe to me to worship thee and serve thee
According to thy commandments
In truth of spirit, in reverence of body,
In blessings of lips,
In private and in public.

I love the symbolism of sight that surrounds Christ and His miracles. While our physical eyes may see, our spiritual eyes can yet be blind. We see in the New Testament that Christ miraculously healed the blind of their physical blindness. Like Christ's other miracles, a physical healing happens, but the most miraculous is what follows: spiritual healing. Christ has healed the physically blind, but that miracle does not last forever. Spiritually healing us and opening our spiritual eyes is an everlasting miracle. The author of Amazing Grace understood this, I think.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

Mankind Was My Business!

I spend a lot of time studying business and finances. My homework routinely involves billion-dollar decisions that will someday be real decisions for me to make. In my future career, I'll be pushed and have more demands on my time, efforts, and attention that I could possibly meet. It's easy for people in business to forget the world around them. It's easy to let someone else attend to the needs of the world, since we're busy conducting business that grows the economy and benefits the world. We may even begin to think that if everyone would make the wise financial decisions we make, people wouldn't even need help or charity.

Surely that line of thought is similar to how Charles Dickens' Ebeneezer Scrooge of A Christmas Carol might have begun his descent into a "tight-fisted hand at the grindstone... a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster." 

In an attempt to warn Scrooge of the error of his way, his old friend Jacob Marley's ghost appears to him, and what he tells Scrooge is something I hope to live by my entire life:

"Business!" cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. "Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence were all my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!"

Mankind is my business. Charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence are my business. Accounting is what I am paid to do. Accounting is but the means by which I will fund my true purpose in life: to help my fellow men. 

God Gives Us What We Need

This week, I've had a ton of help from heaven in getting everything done. I've been blessed with particularly restful sleep the past two days, equipping me for the draining days ahead. I'm confident that the reason I had such an easy time with understanding my reading assignments yesterday was because the Lord quickened my mind. Somehow, I managed to fit everything in that I had to do. The Lord blessed me with fantastic teachers who engaged me in class, wonderful friends at work, and a boyfriend who's so mindful of me that he came to pick me up from work even when I forgot to ask him to, and brought me delicious Tim Tams. I forgot to set an alarm this morning, but Heavenly Father provided me with a miracle and I woke up barely in time to have Ariel drive me to class. I thought my team meeting was earlier than it was, but it turns out it wasn't and I had time to finish preparing for the meeting.

What I've noticed about these little miracles is that Heavenly Father gave me what I needed, but only just. I would have loved to have been woken up in time for a shower and breakfast today, but it wasn't necessary. Heavenly Father does let me struggle and He does push me so that I learn and grow, but in the end he bails me out of trouble when I can't do any more. I would have loved a really straightforward and obvious answer to my questions about which accounting firm to intern with, but instead, Heavenly Father let me struggle with the decision and gave me an answer only in a contented feeling about my decision.

When I think about it, this model of divine help totally makes sense with God's role as our parent. Good parents don't do everything for their children - rather, they allow their kids to do all they can for themselves, and then provide the help they need for the rest. God helps us just enough because he loves us.

Jesus Declares the Parable of the Lost Sheep

My New Testament class studied this parable this week. We discussed how in the parable of the lost sheep, the sheep gets lost because it’s not paying attention to what’s going on, where it’s going, or where the rest of the flock is going. The sheep gets so involved with eating (appeasing its appetite) that it forgets to follow the shepherd. The sheep isn’t willfully running off from the flock – sheep are just *really* dumb. Still, the shepherd goes out and finds the sheep.

What struck me about this video was the shepherd's reaction to finding the sheep - he isn't irritated with the sheep for wandering off. He doesn't berate the sheep for being an idiot. He is just joyed to have found it, and doesn't just bid it follow him, but scoops it up and carries it. It's a literal illustration of "He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young."

The Lord is infinitely patient with those who wander, including me, and I should strive to be so too. I should rejoice when lost sheep are found, rather than feeling irritated that they were ever lost in the first place. It's like my old accounting professor would say - past costs are sunk costs.

Miserere - Gregorio Allegri

Lyrics:
Miserere mei, Deus: secundum magnam misericordiam tuam.
Et secundum multitudinem miserationum tuarum, dele iniquitatem meam.
Amplius lava me ab iniquitate mea: et a peccato meo munda me.
Quoniam iniquitatem meam ego cognosco: et peccatum meum contra me est semper.
Tibi soli peccavi, et malum coram te feci: ut justificeris in sermonibus tuis, et vincas cum judicaris.
Ecce enim in iniquitatibus conceptus sum: et in peccatis concepit me mater mea.
Ecce enim veritatem dilexisti: incerta et occulta sapientiae tuae manifestasti mihi.
Asperges me hysopo, et mundabor: lavabis me, et super nivem dealbabor.
Auditui meo dabis gaudium et laetitiam: et exsultabunt ossa humiliata.
Averte faciem tuam a peccatis meis: et omnes iniquitates meas dele.
Cor mundum crea in me, Deus: et spiritum rectum innova in visceribus meis.
Ne proiicias me a facie tua: et spiritum sanctum tuum ne auferas a me.
Redde mihi laetitiam salutaris tui: et spiritu principali confirma me.
Docebo iniquos vias tuas: et impii ad te convertentur.
Libera me de sanguinibus, Deus, Deus salutis meae: et exsultabit lingua mea justitiam tuam.
Domine, labia mea aperies: et os meum annuntiabit laudem tuam.
Quoniam si voluisses sacrificium, dedissem utique: holocaustis non delectaberis.
Sacrificium Deo spiritus contribulatus: cor contritum, et humiliatum, Deus, non despicies.
Benigne fac, Domine, in bona voluntate tua Sion: ut aedificentur muri Ierusalem.
Tunc acceptabis sacrificium justitiae, oblationes, et holocausta: tunc imponent super altare tuum vitulos

Translation:
Have mercy upon me, O God, after Thy great goodness
According to the multitude of Thy mercies do away mine offences.
Wash me throughly from my wickedness: and cleanse me from my sin.
For I acknowledge my faults: and my sin is ever before me.
Against Thee only have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that Thou mightest be justified in Thy saying, and clear when Thou art judged.
Behold, I was shapen in wickedness: and in sin hath my mother conceived me.
But lo, Thou requirest truth in the inward parts: and shalt make me to understand wisdom secretly.
Thou shalt purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: Thou shalt wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Thou shalt make me hear of joy and gladness: that the bones which Thou hast broken may rejoice.
Turn Thy face from my sins: and put out all my misdeeds.
Make me a clean heart, O God: and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from Thy presence: and take not Thy Holy Spirit from me.
O give me the comfort of Thy help again: and stablish me with Thy free Spirit.
Then shall I teach Thy ways unto the wicked: and sinners shall be converted unto Thee.
Deliver me from blood-guiltiness, O God, Thou that art the God of my health: and my tongue shall sing of Thy righteousness.
Thou shalt open my lips, O Lord: and my mouth shall shew Thy praise.
For Thou desirest no sacrifice, else would I give it Thee: but Thou delightest not in burnt-offerings.
The sacrifice of God is a troubled spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God, shalt Thou not despise.
O be favourable and gracious unto Sion: build Thou the walls of Jerusalem.
Then shalt Thou be pleased with the sacrifice of righteousness, with the burnt-offerings and oblations: then shall they offer young bullocks upon Thine altar.


I found this piece on Pandora, and recognized it from hearing it in the background when my mom would watch Chariots of Fire (which I still need to see.) I'm obsessed. It's ethereal and other-wordly in beauty. When I hear it, I feel like I'm in an ancient cathedral, surrounded by the spirits of those who were there centuries before me. I feel connected to them - for all of us endure mortality, and it is to the same Christ that we look to for salvation. I've often wondered what meeting people from so long ago will be like in the next life. What could we possibly have to talk about? But songs like this make me think that while at first I might not have the words to fully engage the Polish woman who died in 1400, we'll get there eventually. And that makes me believe that my daily struggles are possible as well, thanks to Christ, the author of all.

God Humored Me Today

I feel self-conscious about this, but I want to record something anyway.

I was feeling pretty down on myself and inadequate and generally upset. Nothing was helping me feel better - not seeing friends, not calling people, not seeing the sun. I didn't have much time, but I decided to listen to some music as I walked to the other side of campus. I said a quick prayer asking God to let the songs shuffle to something that would bring me comfort. First song that came up was What Sweeter Music. My favorite. The most comforting song.

It's not a big miracle, but I'm confident it wasn't chance. God loves me, enough to humor me on my silly request for comfort. It's a big miracle to me. I feel strongly that God loves me even though I'm very imperfect and seeks to bless me and help me along my way. And that's making me feel a lot better.

Cast Thy Burden Upon the Lord

"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee. He never will suffer the righteous to fall: He is at thy right hand. Thy mercy, Lord, is great, and far above the heavens. Let none be made ashamed, that wait upon Thee!"

This piece, originally a quartet from Mendelssohn's Elijah, is the chorus of angels after Elijah has called down fire from heaven to burn his sacrifice and prove to the people in the land and the priests of Baal that the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob is the One True God. It's beautifully comforting, just like the Holy Ghost. I admire Elijah's faith and courage. I love the invitation to "cast thy burden upon the Lord" - for surely that is what every human heart craves: the relief from burdens and pure joy that comes from the Savior.

What Sweeter Music

What Sweeter Music is my favorite Christmas carol on a lyrics basis, and in my top five on a music basis. I've been pondering its lyrics this past while, and I think they are some of the most beautiful and meaningful words I've read. Here are the lyrics:

What Sweeter Music by Robert Herrick
What sweeter music can we bring
Than a carol, for to sing
The birth of this our heavenly King?
Awake the voice! Awake the string!
Dark and dull night, fly hence away,
And give the honor to this day,
That sees December turned to May.
Why does the chilling winter’s morn
Smile, like a field beset with corn?
Or smell like a meadow newly-shorn,
Thus, on the sudden? Come and see
The cause, why things thus fragrant be:
‘Tis He is born, whose quickening birth
Gives life and luster, public mirth,
To heaven, and the under-earth.
We see him come, and know him ours,
Who, with his sunshine and his showers,
Turns all the patient ground to flowers.
The darling of the world is come,
And fit it is, we find a room
To welcome him. The nobler part
Of all the house here, is the heart.
Which we will give him; and bequeath
This holly, and this ivy wreath,
To do him honour, who’s our King,
And Lord of all this reveling.
What sweeter music can we bring,
Than a carol for to sing
The birth of this our heavenly King?

Some of my reflections on "What Sweeter Music"
"Awake the voice/the string" - the news of Christ not only moves us to song, but awakes our souls to joy we could not know without Christ
"Dark and dull nights fly hence away" - darkness cannot exists where there is light, and Christ brings light
"December turned to May" - Christ turns the darkest and coldest and most desolate of winters into the most blissful days of May and the barest of winters into fields beset with corn, just as He turned few loaves and fishes into food enough for the multitude.
"Life and luster public mirth" - Christ and the gospel give us the perspective to recognize the nothingness of worldly things, and Christmas affords us a rare occasion upon which people are united in their emphasis on godly things. This perspective is given not only to the living, but to the under-earth--that is, our dead.
"Thus on the sudden? Come and see" - the invitation to come and see echoes Christ's beckon to "come unto me, all ye that labor, and I will give you rest." We are also invited to see, by learning to perceive the spiritual things of the world and have the companionship of the Holy Ghost.
"Patient ground to flowers" - Christ turns plain ground to flowers, but we must be patient about it
"Nobler part of all the house here is the heart" - as wonderful as the human mind and body is, the noblest part of us is our hearts, and our hearts are the greatest thing we can give to our God.
"Lord of all this reveling" - God and Christ are the source of all true joy, which encompasses reveling, but reveling is poignant here because it emphasizes that communities rejoice together in the greatness of God.
"What sweeter music can we bring" (the second time) - even after we have sung this beautiful carol, we are left still yearning to express our gratitude for the joy and peace brought by Jesus Christ.

Mary, Did You Know?

I recently bought Aled Jones's Christmas album, and it was a fantastic decision. The first song on it is one I hadn't been fond of before, but now quite like because of Aled's delivery of it.

In my New Testament class, we talked about how mental it must have been for Mary to do all that she did, and it made me think of this song. I wonder what it's like to be the mother of a new baby and think of all the things that are going to happen to the little body that just separated from you. I think they've got to wonder what the little babies they've just had will do with the life they're working so hard still to give their children.

I was thinking about how young Mary was, too. We don't have a definitive age, but it seems likely that she was around 14. I think think that's poetic. It connects to Joseph Smith being just 14 when his divine mission began to be revealed. Joseph and Mary are similar in that from a young age, they were called of God to bring together Christ and the people of the Earth. Both Joseph and Mary have been vessels for truth and light, and both doubtless faced much persecution for their perceived wrongs.

There's no doctrine that says Mary was 14, or that 14 is some magical age, but I think that's okay. It's fine for us to think about things in ways that might not be totally accurate if it helps us to understand divine principles and doctrine. "All models are wrong, but some are useful." I believe that God speaks to us in ways we will best understand. For the literature nerd, the Lord has given wonderful symbolism in scripture to help us understand His truth. For the musician, He has given us hymns and songs of praise. For the scientist, He has left His mark upon every trace of the universe. For the pilot, He has given us President Uchtdorf.

God loves us. That's the only conclusion. God loves us more than mortal comprehension allows us to understand. And that's the best thing there is.

Horcruxes, but without soul-splitting

Keeping a blog is like Tom Riddle's diary - you preserve a younger version of yourself that lives on even when you are long gone. But you don't have to kill anyone and split your soul to keep a blog (so far). In that spirit, here's a preservation of me, Moriah Hippen, at almost 10 PM on March 4th, 2013.

(Yes I stole a survey off Tumblr. Haters to the left.)

1: What would you name your future daughter?

I love the names Rose and Marianne.

2: Do you miss anyone?

Definitely. My parents, the missionaries I know, my high school friends...

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?

You'd probably be my mom or something. I am definitely not having a Maria-from-West-Side-Story I-Feel-Pretty night.

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

Not in so many words, but probably.

5: What are you looking forward to in the next week?

Um.... starting my study abroad class.

6: Did you go out or stay in last night?

Stay in! Just like I do basically every night.

7: How late did you stay up last night?

11ish I think.

8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

I live with five other girls. OF COURSE.

9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?

Awkwardly weaseling my way out of talking to these guys with Ariel at lunch.

10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

Probably? Not in a serious way, though. In a we-all-love-you-happy-birthday-but-actually-i-don't-really-like-you way.

11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

Oh yes. And I intend to.

12: Have you pretended to like someone?

Not romantically. Just socially... I've been friendly to people I don't like. Does that count?

13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

See the alcohol answer.

14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Always is quite a strong word. I can be a stubborn one.

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Yes.

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?

Yes.

17: Have you ever cried from being so mad?

Oh yes.

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?

Maybe Ariel?

19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

Nope.

20: Who did you last see in person?

My roommates Stephanie and Caroline.

21: What is the last thing you said out loud?

"Okay, I'm crazy."

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

Hahahaha no.

23: Have you ever been to Paris?

Not yet. 51 days, baby!

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

I can be. But not when I'm reading.

25: Do you use chap stick?

When I can find it.

26: Who did you last share a bed with?

Probably Ariel? Unless naps count - then Nikki.

27: Are you listening to music right now?

No, actually.

28: What is something you currently want right now?

To be done with exams.

29: Were your last three kisses from the same person?

It's been so long... yes? Probably my last like twenty were.

30: How is your heart lately?

Out of shape. I worked out for the first time in ages today and I could tell it had been too long.

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

UM YES. I love wearing the hood.

32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

Last night. Tyler Cook was feeling huggy.

33: What do people call you?

Moriah, mostly. Sometimes Dean. Or Roo. 

34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

Yes, usually something to the effect of "please shut up you're being very offensive and also you're wrong and please leave my apartment".

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?

Are there any situations in my life that aren't stressful right now? Okay, yeah, there are, but not many!

36: What are you listening to right now?

Someone knocking on the wall.

37: What is wrong with you right now?

I'm still not in pajamas.

38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

Yeah but it sucks to not have it so moving on.

39: Do you make wishes at 11:11?

Yeah, but more in a self-reflective what-do-I-want-most-right-now way.

40: What is on your wrists right now?

Skin?

41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?

Single, I guess. Waiting for something.

42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

Family reunion, 2011.

43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

Yeah.

44: Have you hugged someone within the last week?

Yes, Tyler Cook and Ariel and probably some roommates.

45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

Nope.

46: What were you doing at midnight last night?

Sleeping! Or tossing and turning.

47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

Six months ago was... September? NOOOO. NO MORE WAREN CASE.

48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

Someone else, of course. Cuddling. And warm.

49: Have you ever been to New York?

Yes, but I was very young and don't remember it.

50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

It was either my mom or Ariel or a roommate, so yes.

Time to get meta

I don't think anyone reads this. I'm considering changing the URL and then spilling a less watered-down version of my thoughts. Or I could still just use this for things people might want to know, and keep Tumblr for the feelings no one wants to know about.

But not tonight. It's too late to be making decisions, even if they are only about blogging.

College

To those who look back at college with rose-colored glasses and encourage me to "make the most of the best time of my life," I would like to remind you of the following parts of college that I bet my starting salary you haven't missed once since graduating.

1. Buying super expensive textbooks every semester that you'll probably never use again.
2. Not having a car and needing to get groceries but not having time to walk there and back.
3. Roommates making out on the couch. Loudly. All the time.
4. Roommates screaming at all hours. Like the ones you're trying to sleep through.
5. Having a net annual loss each year rather than a gain.

I don't even have time to write more. Sometimes college sucks.

A Thought On Sexism In Our Society

This is a subject I could talk about lots more (and perhaps eventually will), but for tonight, I'll just post this screencap of a text post I read on tumblr.

Applications

When I was a senior in high school, my friends and I would complain about college applications a lot. We often comforted ourselves in the knowledge that once we were accepted to college, we wouldn't have to worry about applications ever again unless we went to grad school.

My life has been application after application ever since I graduated high school.

Things I miss

Living in a world in which the idea of having a conversation about the role of formal education in lifelong learning is not something people laugh at.

Routinely having conversations with those around me about complex issues that all parties gave great thought to.

Conversations that allow for the expression of contrary opinion and also don't end in shouting.

Being surrounded by people who want to exchange ideas and challenge their own ways of thinking.

Having a forum in which to share thoughts with those I cared about and have them listen and respond with something other than "oh my gosh you're so weird only you would think of that."

"Only you would think of that".?? Why is that an insult? If the insight an individual has to offer is truly unique, shouldn't it be considered, examined, and discussed, rather than dismissed and ridiculed?

I wish people took me seriously. And I wish people devoted their time to the conversations that are truly worthwhile.



It's awfully lonely here.

Snapshot of who I am at 19.5

As of yesterday, I am 19.5 years old.

I read a tumblr post that said that our blogs are ways to preserve ourselves as we are so that we (or others) can look back and see who we are. Now with the tumblr layout changes, I'm considering giving up tumblr. Which would leave this blog as the only record of my nineteen-and-a-half year old self. With that possibility in mind, I figured I'd do one of those tumblr "put numbers in my ask and I'll answer questions" surveys. But here. And without waiting for people to pretend to care.


1) Sexuality?
Straight as they come. I have a thing for tall, nerdy boys who are quiet at first and wear glasses.
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
I would love to meet John and Hank Green. I have this fantasy in my mind in which I get to share the gospel with them.
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
"its significant potential impact on many aspects of financial reporting and, therefore, its con-"
4) What do you think about most?
I think about so many things. I suppose I could categorize most of it as "what shall I do with the time that is given me?".
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
"You're fine."
6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
Depends. Sometimes I'm bundled up, and sometimes it's just shorts and a tank top.
7) What's your strangest talent?
Making people laugh over GoogleDocs.
8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
Girls grow into women and mothers. Boys grow into men and fathers.
9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Yeah, actually. I managed to attract a couple songwriters in high school.
10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
On the treadmill yesterday...
11) Do you have any strange phobias?
No. My phobia of snakes is not strange.
12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Tissues when I had a runny nose.
13) What's your religion?
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love it.
14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Walking. Or hiking. Or running.
15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
I don't really have a preference. At all.
16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
The Proclaimers.
17) What was the last lie you told?
"Yeah, I did that calculation and got that same answer."
18) Do you believe in karma?
Not quite such a simple version of it. If you do good things, you will be happy. And that's a good thing.
19) What does your URL mean?
It's my name. (This question is boring off tumblr.)
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
My impatience; my capacity for love.
21) Who is your celebrity crush?
Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Jensen Ackles.
22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Not yet. I hope to one day!
23) How do you vent your anger?
I growl. And fume.
24) Do you have a collection of anything?
Gifs, I guess.
25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
Both are good, but video chatting usually dies.
26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
On most days.
27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
The sound of my roommates laughing late at night; the sound of Tchaikovsky.
28) What's your biggest "what if"?
What if I'm alone forever?
29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Yeah. Not the conventional sort. But basically, yes.
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
Right - an empty bottle of juice; Left - a bag of chocolate chips.
31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
The lotion I just put on my legs.
32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
Arkansas or Wyoming.
33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
East Coast.
34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
I don't really know what singers look like. I remember liking the lead singer of Relient K.
35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
To become perfected through Christ.
36) Define Art.
No, you can't make me.
37) Do you believe in luck?
Chance? Sure. Sometimes stuff happens for no reason.
38) What's the weather like right now?
Awful, cold, horrible, icy.
39) What time is it?
9:55 PM.
40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
Yes; not really - I spun on ice but didn't crash.
41) What was the last book you read?
The Hobbit.
42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
I don't mind it.
43) Do you have any nicknames?
Mei mei and Roo are the only ones people really use anymore.
44) What was the last movie you saw?
The King's Speech, I think.
45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
Achilles tendonitis. Or dry socket.
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
I don't think so.
47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
Always. Sherlock, Doctor Who, Nerdfighteria, classical music, The Mountain Goats, Supernatural, Community...
48) What's your sexual orientation?
Didn't I already answer this?
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
Probably.
50) Do you believe in magic?
Naw. Just things that seem like magic because I don't understand them yet.
51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
Not really, unless there's serious psychological issues. Like with some high school teachers.
52) What is your astrological sign?
Leo, I think?
53) Do you save money or spend it?
I used to save it. Now I spend it because I need to eat.
54) What's the last thing you purchased?
Groceries.
55) Love or lust?
Love.
56) In a relationship?
Not even a little.
57) How many relationships have you had?
Basically five.
58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
Nope.
59) Where were you yesterday?
At school. And home.
60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Some nail polish, a laundry hamper, a dress, a scarf, a sports bra, a shirt, and some hangers.
61) Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope!
62) What's your favorite animal?
I like big cats and dolphins. Also bears.
63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
... I have no idea how to get people to like me.
64) Where is your best friend?
Universities around America, El Salvador, and Louisiana.
65) White or milk chocolate?
Both, please.
66) What is your heritage?
Scottish and German.
67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
Sleeping.
68) What do you think is Satan's last name?
He... doesn't have one? Last names are for people with physical parents, sucka.
69) Currently listening to?
The vlogbrothers Evening of Awesome at Carnegie Hall.
70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
If there were another me we would be best friends. And if it were a guy we would date.
71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
My boss wasn't serious; he or she knows that I'm a valuable worker and if I'm ever late it's for a good reason.
72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
Yeah, I think I'd let people know what was coming. No, I wouldn't be afraid for myself. But I might be for those I was leaving behind.
73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
Trust is part of love, so...
74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Sparkle and Shine from Nativity!
75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
3494
76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
Mutual devotion, loyalty, trust, commitment, and drawing closer to God.
77) How can I win your heart?
Teach me things I'm interested in.
78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
Of course.
79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
In this life? I can't really quantify. So taking standard US History in high school.
80) What size shoes do you wear?
8. Sometimes 8 1/2.
81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
My name? I think tombstone homages are kind of weird. Except Handel's is awesome.
82) What is your favorite word?
I have lots. Ephemeral, for one.
83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
Longing.
84) What is a saying you say a lot?
"Nope".
85) What's the last song you listened to?
"Strange Charm" by Hank Green.
86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
Red and purple.
87) What is your current desktop picture?
It shuffles. Right now, it's a field in Scotland.
88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
The world's biggest human trafficker.
89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
This question.
90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Scream to wake up my roommate.
91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
Telekinesis!
92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
Do I get to re-do it? A Thursday in April of my sophomore year if yes. If I don't... the weekend before I moved away from Colorado.
93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I don't think I would. They all made me better.
94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
I wouldn't do that. Unless I was married to him. So I guess which celebrity would I be most okay with marrying? Tom Hiddleston, I guess.
95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
New Zealand.
96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
None that I know of.
97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
If I ever have, I was a baby.
98) Ever been on a plane?
Lots of times.
99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
There are prophets on the Earth today; please listen to them.

In which I am Dean Winchester

I really identify with Dean Winchester from Supernatural. I think that if my mother had died in my sister's nursery when she was a baby and my dad had dedicated the rest of his life to hunting supernatural things and teaching my sister and I to do the same, we'd be basically the same person. 

I love Dean for the way he soldiers on through everything, no matter how much it hurts. I love that he doesn't let his fear get in the way of saving people. I love that no matter how much he hates himself, he never gives up on his baby brother. That's the best part of Supernatural: the relationship of the brothers. I really identify with Dean's protective older brother complex. 

Lux aeterna

This is Amici Forever's rendition of Lux aeterna. The lyrics are from the Communion portion of the Catholic requiem mass. The music is "Nimrod", by Elgar.

I'm loving this song today. It's peaceful and comforting. I think I'd like this song played at my funeral.

What I Say Every Year

My life motto in school, as presented by the Green brothers:

Baby names

People who go on baby name websites
People expecting babies
Writers

One of the things about being a self-proclaimed crappy fiction writer is that you end up creating a lot of characters. Especially if you're me. Need something to happen in this story? Why not introduce another character? Even better, why not develop an extensive backstory for every single character that might come up in the story you haven't even started yet? That's how my thought process goes. And with all this character creation comes the impossible task of naming characters.

Because of this, I spend a lot of time thinking about what names I like. And what names I don't like. And what names I really like and would like to name a child after but aren't very good names to be called so someone's going to have to stop me from naming a child that. Which brings me to my thought for today.

Someone is going to have to stop me from naming a baby Mikhail and calling him Misha.

When he came home from school with friends, I could greet them with "Hola, Mishamigos!" And I would think I was the funniest mom on the planet. And depending on his personality, Misha would either think that was the coolest and funniest or most embarrassing thing ever.

Other names that I really want to name my children but I will have to be stopped about:
- Apollo
- Ginevra
- Pyotr
- Glenn
- Mycroft
- Merida

Thank goodness I don't have to worry about this for a looooong while.

Observing my roommates

I'm sitting on the couch observing my roommates. They're discussing how the Olympics make them cry. And watching Olympics commercials. And crying.

When I'm at home with my family, I forget that I'm... different. But when I'm at school, it's glaringly obvious. I'm just on a different wavelength from everyone else.

One roommate was discussing how uncomfortable she and her classmates in high school felt around a girl who was probably lesbian. And everyone was agreeing. And I was silent, because no one listens to me when I talk about anything remotely social-justice-y. So I've ended up blogging about it. I hate how so many people who believe that homosexual activity is wrong end up ostracizing and discriminating against anyone who isn't straight, and don't even realize that they're doing it.

My roommates are weird. They think I'm odd for my internet culture, but when it makes its way to their lives, they think it's amazing and hilarious. And whenever I manage to get something internet-y to them, they love it. I don't understand people.

In other news, one of the most attractive boys I've ever seen has just moved to a nearby apartment. I'm gonna give him a codename in hope that I'll actually have things to say about him on here. His codename shall be Hawking.

I ran into an old friend today! I hadn't seen him since I was fourteen. He walked me hope while we caught up on life. I'm so glad to have reconnected with him. We're both very fond of each other, but not with any romantic chemistry. Though I do wonder if perhaps he could be happy with one of my roommates...

New semester is going pretty well. Nothing very interesting to report.

2013 Begins

I didn't end up using this blog for last semester at all. But with a new year begun, it seems like a good time to give blogging another try. I'm sure I'm the only abandoned blog to have a post like that this week.

Tomorrow, Ariel and I have to fly back to Provo. Monroe is in no way home, but I still don't want to leave. It's quiet and clean here. My parents are here. There aren't tests and quizzes and homework and roommates who don't clean up after themselves here. My mind is stuck on one idea.