Thoughts That Cross My Mind As I Work On Euro

1. I'm listening to the full Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes From A Memory album by Dream Theater. I actually like it quite a bit. It's like Catholic mass - it's better when you can't tell what they're saying. Except for occasionally. But I like this rock opera better when I don't know what's going on, because I'm not nuts about the plot.
2. My history textbook can make even Hitler's rise to power boring.
3. Merlin just showed me Hipster Hitler. It's rather hilarious.
4. I am sick right now. My throat is killing me. This is many kinds of un-fun.
5. Dude, someone just died in this rock opera. After the yay-death-isn't-the-end song. What's up with that?
6. The motion-senor lights keep thinking I'm not here, and I have to wave my arms around ever 10 minutes or so.
7. Allergies are horrid.
8. I am bored. Bored. Bored!
9. I have 12 days of school left. 12. I'm so excited. And so un-motivated.
10. I've recently become totally obsessed with BBC's show, Sherlock. It's Sherlock Holmes in a modern setting, and is brilliant. Sherlock is a brilliant sociopath, and John Watson a military doctor returned from Afghanistan. It's hilarious, it's heartwarming, it's intense, it's brilliant, and I love it. And it doesn't exactly hurt that both leading men are very crush-able... ;)
11. Mr. Bingley gave me a CD with the song "Fields of Gold" by Sting on it. I quite like it.
12. AP Review books are much better than textbooks.

Mr. Bingley

Mr. Bingley is one of the best people I know. He's incredibly kind, and seems to be the very definition of long suffering. He puts up with more of my crap than anyone outside my family, and he's always there for me. He's funny, he's smart, he's loyal... I could go on and on.

But despite all his good qualities, he is a little delusional. He's under the delusion that he's not worth liking, when he so clearly is. Recently, many girls have told him that they think he's quite handsome, or that they had crushes on him, or that they currently have crushes on him. And the dear man is shocked.

One girl, in particular, he is quite flattered by. I think he's romantically inclined towards her, though he says he doesn't feel like they should date now. But still, I think this girl will need a name. I think I'll call her Paganini. She's a brilliant violinist.

Anyway, it's been good fun for me to watch him have some romance in his life. He says he's going to try to walk the fine line between dating and romance. I wish him luck. He'll need it.

Angels

Aladdin's gone. His parents have sent him to boarding school. Against his will. They gave him a few hours notice before they left. It's a boarding school with no phones, no internet, and no way to contact him.

We got to say goodbye on Facebook. But it wasn't enough. This is all so sudden. I wish I could help him, but I can't. No one should be sent away from their families against their will. But he has been. And now he's all alone.

I wish there were a way to communicate with him. But there's not.

So yeah. That's pretty much what been on my mind non-stop.

But in the other trivial affairs I should try to concentrate on:
- We've had house showings every day this week. Everyone is constantly on edge, freaked out about keeping the house clean, and stress levels are somewhere in the stratosphere. I do not like it.
- I'm working on my final English project, which is about how the wars authors experience affect how they portray war in their novels. I'm using the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter as my case studies, but I might add some stuff about Battlestar Galactica, too.
- I'm annoyed that I'm not actually working on the aforementioned English project right now because I'm on a library computer, which doesn't have PowerPoint2007. I'm at the library because of the aforementioned house showings.
- I've really been in a Dire Straits mood recently.
- In Seminary today, we learned about angels. It was really interesting to me, since my novel is about angels.

If there's anyone who needs a guardian angel right now, it's Aladdin.

Also, I'm quite annoyed at Padme, for just skipping off into the sunset when the Genie, whose pain she caused, and Aladdin, who she professed to love, are in such bad states. I think it shows an appalling lack of empathy.

Days until AP Lit Test: 15
Days until AP Euro Test: 16
Days until AP Stats Test: 21
Days until Graduation: 31
Days until Deathly Hallows Part 2: 86

Currently: In Shock

Powerless

Aladdin's been waxing creative. He's taken to posting notes on Facebook, usually prose, but sometimes poetry, and almost always allegory for what he's thinking and feeling. This isn't actually what frustrates me - while I prefer a blog rather than Facebook notes, I'm all for creative mental unloading on the internet. What frustrates me is the responses he gets to his notes. Girls who don't know him terribly well will comment that his stuff is brilliant, and beautiful, and that they think he's a great artist. They fawn over the despair in the notes. Other kids will post stuff like "this is really cool, keep writing, man" or "dude sick", but they all have the same message: "Wow, I didn't know you could fake sadness like this well enough to write that." And that's what drives me crazy.
Aladdin's not writing them because he fancies himself the next Emily Dickinson. I seriously doubt he's writing them for the compliments he gets from Padme and her friends. I am fairly confident that he's writing them because he needs help. I believe that each time he posts one, he hopes that somehow, someone will understand that he's not just creatively making up the pain in the poems. And I don't think most people who read them understand that, or maybe they just don't want to.
It would be easier to not see the pain. It would be easier to accept the facade that he's frequently put up of a happy, cheerful, somewhat shallow guy who gets along with everyone than to look deeper and see the kid who's constantly at war with his own mind. And I wish I could point that out to all his Facebook-note fans, but I can't. It would be a betrayal of his confidence. And so I'm left powerless to help. And I wish I weren't.

Psychic

I hate being psychic sometimes.

That intro line sounds like something out of That's So Raven, a TV show which I haven't thought about in about seven years.

To my knowledge, I'm not actually psychic, but I do seem to be really good at predicting romantic happenings. A few months ago, I had a dream that the girl Dr. Baltar has been mad about for ages finally agreed to go out with him. The next week, she did (for a whopping two days before breaking up with him). The night before Aladdin broke up with me, I definitely had a feeling that he would (which I then ignored the next day - stupid me). Now, I've predicted the Genie's breakup with his girlfriend, who I'll call Padme(man, I've never had to use a codename for a girl on here before). Padme has always had a thing for Aladdin, but once I started dating Aladdin, she started dating the Genie, and seemed quite happy. But now that Aladdin's free, she's been paying him more attention, and I felt like she would soon leave the Genie. Well, she did. Last night. And I'm pretty peeved at her for hurting the Genie like she has.

Padme is a strange girl. She also dated Dr. Baltar, and does Nanowrimo like I do, shares my loathing of footwear, and reads xkcd. But despite those similarities, we're quite different. She's petrified of change, wheras I embrace it. She's a lot more passive than I am. And she's just plain wierder.

I sincerely hope not all my dreams involving my exes and who they like/who likes them are prophetic, because if that's true, our world will be like the world in the Lorax after they chop down all the truffula trees within the next few weeks. And I will become a PE training coach.

Always On My Mind

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going there... But I like it here, wherever it is."

I've loved this song ever since I first heard it when I was thirteen. It's just... always been beautiful.

There's a good story behind this song, I think. Apparently Elvis first sang it a while after divorcing his wife. But that's not really what I'm thinking of. I'm thinking that this would be a great song to write into a story I'm writing. And I think I've found a place for it in my current project. But I'm not certain.

From what I've heard from and observed of boys, this isn't real. They don't ever like a girl so much that she's always on their mind. They only think about one thing at a time, and we're rarely top priority. So we're not "always on their minds". But as girls, we can think of more than one thing at once, and it's quite possible for them to be always on our minds. Basically, we love them more than they can love us. And that sucks.

Mr. Bingley has pleaded that he doesn't think that is the case with all guys, and says he doesn't think that's the case with him. But I think he's wrong.

So yeah. Basically, I wish this song could be real.

I'm too tired to think of a title.

Stupid Things Aladdin has posted on Facebook recently: 

"I need someone who I can pass by in the hall and say: "hey there, sweetheart!" and then she would say: "you've had such a hard day, you should take a break and relax for a little while while I massage your lower back." And then I would say: "Really, you mean it?" To which she would respond: "You mean the world to me." I think everyone needs someone like that. It's just too bad that nobody actually acts like that :("

"I need a guardian angel."

Well, those are the two stupidest that are short enough to post here. But seriously. How much of an idiot can you be? 

I've bit back all the comments I might have left, but you, blog, are probably mildly curious as to what they are and polite enough to act interested. So to the guardian angel one, I could have commented:

"Oh, what gave you that idea?"

"Nooooo.... waaaay...."

"Hm, wonder where you could get one of those!"

"Too bad no one would ever be willing to do that for you."

"Your life is so hard! If only someone cared about you enough to try to help you through your sooo hard life!"

And to the longer one:

"Seriously. A lot of guys would kill for what you had."

"I wonder where you could get someone like that!"

"Any girl who would do that for you is to be pitied grievously."

"*cough* abusive relationship *cough*"

"lol"

But I didn't post any of those. 

They make me feel angry, and hurt, and unappreciated. They make me laugh at what an idiot he is. They make me roll my eyes at how self-centered and wimpy he is. 

This week is prom week. Thankfully, I'm not going to prom. There aren't words for how relieving I find this.

Good Things That Happened Recently

- Olivia got a full-ride to Duke

- I got a 100% on my stats test

- Mr. Bingley and I figured out his classes he's going to take next semester at BYU.

- Hannah and I watched the Fellowship of the Ring and played a Lord of the Rings drinking game with water.

- The Genie and I got to spend a while talking on my porch yesterday while it rained.

Bad Things That Happened Recently

- It snowed this morning.

- I had to listen to a bunch of prom drama I don't care about.

- An acquaintance confided in me and confessed that they're practicing very self-destructive behavior, which prompted a bunch of do-I-tell-and-save-them-from-themself-or-do-i-keep-my-promise-of-secrecy-and-remain-a-confidant? crisis. I kept my promise of secrecy in the end. I'm still extremely worried about this person.

- Allyson did not get on-campus housing at BYU.

So yeah. Life keeps happening, and I keep bumbling through.

Stuff Keeps Happening.

On Tuesday, my friend Allyson and I drove to BYU with her dad to check out the campus. She's Catholic, but is considering BYU for next year. We met up with my friend Megan, who goes to school there, and ate at the Cannon Center. After that, Megan took us to her dorm in Wyview, where Allyson would probably live. Then we came home and collapsed.

On Wednesday, we took a tour of campus. Then I met up with my friend Erika, who I hadn't seen in two years, and she showed me her dorm in Helaman Halls. It was great to see her! Then we drove back home. Driving is long and rather boring and I cannot stay awake on long road trips.

Today, I went to school. We did a webquest about genocide in Sudan during Roots of Conflict. In European History, we learned about eugenics and ate a lot of food (not related). We learned how to make cake in a microwave during Access, and then had AP administration during lunch. During Stats, we reviewed for tomorrow's test.

Prom drama. On Monday I wasn't going to any prom, and now I may be going to two. One to save Mr. Bingley from an awkward situation, and another to have happy senior memories with girlfriends or something. Which means dress shopping. Crap.

Also, Aladdin and his friend, who I will call the Genie, confuse me. On Sunday, the Genie told me that Aladdin and one of his friends were planning to sneak out of their houses in the night, drive to Wyoming, and cut down a tree, and bring it back to Colorado. Which is many different kinds of illegal. I told the Genie that I thought he should let Aladdin's parents know, and he did. The next day, the Genie told me that Aladdin had completely blown up at him for ratting him out, and that their lifelong-heterosexual-partnership was most likely over forever. But yesterday, Aladdin posted an I-love-you type thing on the Genie's wall on Facebook. So today I asked the Genie about it, and he says that Aladdin's been trying to make it up to him, and that Aladdin apologized and everything.

And I'm jealous. Aladdin never cared about me enough to apologize for anything, or try to regain my favor after he blew up at me. I'm... just sad, I guess, that I wasn't worth anything to him, really. I wish he would have cared enough to say sorry.

And I was watching Sam and Frodo in the Lord of the Rings in the car on Tuesday and Wednesday. Watching the piercing blue eyes grow sad, and desperate, begging the green eyes to help. Watching how Sam never left Frodo. And I kept thinking how I should have done more. I... I failed Aladdin. I should have been more like Sam.

"I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise. Don't you lose him, Samwise Gamgee. And I don't mean to. I don't mean to."

I didn't mean to. But I did.

I remember "Song Unsung" by Eden White.

"I really like weekends too..."

This weekend has been quite lovely. On Friday it was warm, and I went to dinner with Olivia, Kelly, and Allyson. We met at Good Times, ate a ton of food, and then moseyed over to the Farmer's Market, where we wandered around and tried lotion samples and bought chocolate cinnamon bears. Then Olivia had to leave, and after sitting and talking some more, we tried to go to Kelly's house. That didn't work terribly well, since Kelly's car battery was dead, and her dad had to come give her a jumpstart. But we did make it back to her house after that, and we played videogames until I fell asleep.

On Saturday, Ariel and Mom and I went to the Rec Center before General Conference. Then we listened to the first session of Conference. In between the first and second sessions, we went to Hobby Lobby to find non-personal ways to decorate the house for showing and selling it. Then we listened to the second session of Conference. Then we made my senior poster, which we had to for school. :P My dad came home, and went to the Priesthood session of Conference. I talked to Allyson about a potential trip to BYU, and then went to bed.

Today, I've listened to General Conference and written the letter of appreciation that's required for my scholarship to BYU. Now I'm listening to the soundtrack from Les Choristes, and remembering how much I love that movie. But alas, I must scrounge up some food before the last session of Conference starts.