Aladdin and I have sort of made up, I guess. I messaged him and apologized for all that I could think of that I had possibly done wrong. He didn't apologize back, but he said he wanted to be friends again. I had him define that, because we have very different ideas of what being friends means, but we are now back to where we were last semester - that is, we'll occasionally have conversations and be on good terms in general. I guess.
I've selected my room at BYU! I'm very excited.
I have a big Euro test tomorrow that I'm not ready for. Oh snap. Time to go study!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday: Jimmer, Genocide, Lizards, Matrix, Guacamole, etc.
Today was school. And coming to school after spring break was not fun.
It snowed this morning. I came from 89 degrees in Dallas, and it snowed! And was generally freezing. So I over-reacted, wore too many layers, and ended up removing a few in 2nd period.
In Seminary, we watched a video where the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve bore their testimonies of the Savior. Usually I think Seminary videos are super cheesy, but I actually quite liked this one. I guess I really like it when prophets bear testimony, rather than having bad actors deliver cheesy lines as they act out "real life" for us. Imagine that.
In PE, we had to do a bunch of fitness stations. I made the basketball one more fun by pretending to be Jimmer Fredette. I shot just like him. ;)
In Roots of Conflict, we talked about how nations heal after a genocide. The teacher started the class off with the question "If your neighbors killed your family, would you forgive them?" I responded that of course I could - I'd have to. It'd be hard, but in order to heal myself, I'd have to forgive them. I'm really grateful for all I've learned about forgiveness in church and in my real life. It makes life much better. And I'm glad that I know that this life isn't all we have - that it's really quite short in the eternal scheme. Becuase this genocide stuff would be a lot more depressing if I didn't know that this life isn't all that we've got.
We didn't do much in Orchestra. Shocker.
In Euro, we learned about the Russian Revolution, and all I could think about was the part in Annie where they talk about the Bolsheviks. Leapin' lizards!
English was discussion about final projects, the Matrix, and the book that no one's cracked open yet.
At lunch, my friend Mindy gave us her leftover chips and guacamole from Spanish class, and we made quick work of them. It was fun. We hadn't had a good just-girls-talking-and-food lunch in a while.
There was a substitute in Stats, so we quickly worked on a worksheet and then sat around talking, which was nice.
In Study Hall, Allyson and I talked college for a while, and then had fun googling our religions.
This afternoon I went to the Rec Center with my mom, and found a weight machine that cracks my back. I'm very excited.
I've been going between a sort of "Gives You Hell" by the All-American Rejects approach to Aladdin and an apathetic, moving on kind of deal. With the occasional "woo-hoo freedom!" cry. But I think I'm finding a middle ground - sort of the "kill him with kindness" philosophy. Kind of. Basically, be kind to him, and be happy, and still enjoy the occasional "Gives You Hell" sing-along. But I still have to figure out if I should/how to have a reconciliatory talk with him.
Now off to go study for those upcoming tests... how many days until I graduate?
It snowed this morning. I came from 89 degrees in Dallas, and it snowed! And was generally freezing. So I over-reacted, wore too many layers, and ended up removing a few in 2nd period.
In Seminary, we watched a video where the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve bore their testimonies of the Savior. Usually I think Seminary videos are super cheesy, but I actually quite liked this one. I guess I really like it when prophets bear testimony, rather than having bad actors deliver cheesy lines as they act out "real life" for us. Imagine that.
In PE, we had to do a bunch of fitness stations. I made the basketball one more fun by pretending to be Jimmer Fredette. I shot just like him. ;)
In Roots of Conflict, we talked about how nations heal after a genocide. The teacher started the class off with the question "If your neighbors killed your family, would you forgive them?" I responded that of course I could - I'd have to. It'd be hard, but in order to heal myself, I'd have to forgive them. I'm really grateful for all I've learned about forgiveness in church and in my real life. It makes life much better. And I'm glad that I know that this life isn't all we have - that it's really quite short in the eternal scheme. Becuase this genocide stuff would be a lot more depressing if I didn't know that this life isn't all that we've got.
We didn't do much in Orchestra. Shocker.
In Euro, we learned about the Russian Revolution, and all I could think about was the part in Annie where they talk about the Bolsheviks. Leapin' lizards!
English was discussion about final projects, the Matrix, and the book that no one's cracked open yet.
At lunch, my friend Mindy gave us her leftover chips and guacamole from Spanish class, and we made quick work of them. It was fun. We hadn't had a good just-girls-talking-and-food lunch in a while.
There was a substitute in Stats, so we quickly worked on a worksheet and then sat around talking, which was nice.
In Study Hall, Allyson and I talked college for a while, and then had fun googling our religions.
This afternoon I went to the Rec Center with my mom, and found a weight machine that cracks my back. I'm very excited.
I've been going between a sort of "Gives You Hell" by the All-American Rejects approach to Aladdin and an apathetic, moving on kind of deal. With the occasional "woo-hoo freedom!" cry. But I think I'm finding a middle ground - sort of the "kill him with kindness" philosophy. Kind of. Basically, be kind to him, and be happy, and still enjoy the occasional "Gives You Hell" sing-along. But I still have to figure out if I should/how to have a reconciliatory talk with him.
Now off to go study for those upcoming tests... how many days until I graduate?
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Louisiana Part 4
Friday
I got to sleep in... again! Ariel shadowed at River Oaks, a private school with no uniforms (definitely a plus). We looked at more houses, and we met with a Neville High School counselor again.
That night, Sarah Katherine, Madelyn and Emily took Ariel and I out to Rawz, which was really really fun, and then we drove around to a park, but saw that there were motorcycle guys there so we decided to go back to Madelyn and Emily's house, where we played on the trampoline. The Monroe girls found out that Ariel is synesthetic, and had lots of fun asking her about that.
Saturday
Got up and packed. We stopped by the Monroe Athletic Club on our way out, and it looks quite fantastic. I'll definitely have to go there a lot if people continue to feed me.
We drove to the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport, and waited for our flight, drank milkshakes, and then flew to Denver. Denver looks so brown and dead after Monroe, but it's wonderful to have the mountains again. Also, it's cold here. :(
I got to sleep in... again! Ariel shadowed at River Oaks, a private school with no uniforms (definitely a plus). We looked at more houses, and we met with a Neville High School counselor again.
That night, Sarah Katherine, Madelyn and Emily took Ariel and I out to Rawz, which was really really fun, and then we drove around to a park, but saw that there were motorcycle guys there so we decided to go back to Madelyn and Emily's house, where we played on the trampoline. The Monroe girls found out that Ariel is synesthetic, and had lots of fun asking her about that.
Saturday
Got up and packed. We stopped by the Monroe Athletic Club on our way out, and it looks quite fantastic. I'll definitely have to go there a lot if people continue to feed me.
We drove to the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport, and waited for our flight, drank milkshakes, and then flew to Denver. Denver looks so brown and dead after Monroe, but it's wonderful to have the mountains again. Also, it's cold here. :(
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Louisiana Part 3
Monday (cont.)
After falling asleep, a few people from the ward here took us to dinner at an Asian fusion place. Sarah Katherine was the only other person my age there - I like her a lot. She's super friendly and fun to be around. Then they took us to a place called Orange Leaf for frozen yogurt, which was exactly like Red Mango in Colorado.
Tuesday
We drove 30 minutes west to the next town over, Ruston. Ariel and I went to Seminary there, and had an entire lesson about marriage. I haven't had many of those in Seminary. Then Ariel went to be a shadow at Cedar Creek, a tiny private school, and Mom and Dad and I went house hunting. We found one house that reminded my mom of Connecticut that she and I both liked, but we still have yet to find a house we love. House hunting definitely gets boring after a while - I'll never be a real estate agent.
We met with people from Cedar Creek, and then drove around and looked at houses more. A Mormon family from Ruston invited us over for dessert to talk about moving to Louisiana, since they moved down here from New Jersey last year. Thier oldest daughter, Alise, was Ariel's age, and was quite amiable.
Wednesday
I got to sleep in this morning! Mom and Dad took Ariel to St. Frederick's, the local Catholic school to shadow, and then we house hunted later in the day. We found a few houses that were nice, but they're way far away from everything else. We picked Ariel up from St. Fredericks, and while we were in the meeting with their principal, I found out that I got a scholarship to BYU! That was very exciting. After we drove around and looked at more houses, a woman from church and her daughter (one year younger than me) took my family to dinner, and then to Mutual. For Mutual, we mostly sat around and talked, but also flew kites by the river. It was really fun, and I really like all the girls in YWs here. They're all so friendly, and fun, and they seem a lot more close-knit than the YW in my ward back home. It's nice.
Thursday
Another morning to sleep in! I worked on some homework, and then we drove to Ruston again so that Ariel could visit Ruston High School. While in Ruston, we looked at some more houses, and then met with the school counselor at Ruston High. Then we drove back to Monroe, went to Walmart, and have returned home for now, until we go to Sarah Katherine's house to watch the BYU Basketball game and eat dinner.
So that's what's been going on. I miss my bed. It's much more comfortable than the bed Ariel and I have to share here. And Ariel's a bit of a blanket hog, and apparently I am too, so it'll be better when I'm back in my own bed. But I don't want to leave the warmth and green of this place. I feel like it's summer here, since I haven't been in school and it's so warm. I don't want to go back to two more months of school and cold... :(
But I do miss my friends. Ugh. Conflicted.
I was thinking today about the Aladdin deal when I was listening to a song by Relient K - Which To Bury, Us Or The Hatchet?. I think it would be nice and easy to just not speak to him again and then just move to Louisiana and go to BYU without ever seeing him again. But it'd also be cowardice. And I don't want to take the easy way out. I want to do the right thing, the thing that takes bravery, and guts, and hotheadedness, and whatever else it is that we Gryffindors have.
- Many hours later -
I just got back from Sarah Katherine's house. We ate a ton of food and watched the BYU Basketball game. I had never watched a basketball game before, but it was exciting. It was hilarious to hear a lady older than my mom shout at the TV "You just got Jimmered!".
I still don't know what to do about the whole Aladdin-hates-me-and-never-wants-to-speak-to-me-again-but-I-don't-want-to-leave-on-a-bad-note situation. Sigh.
After falling asleep, a few people from the ward here took us to dinner at an Asian fusion place. Sarah Katherine was the only other person my age there - I like her a lot. She's super friendly and fun to be around. Then they took us to a place called Orange Leaf for frozen yogurt, which was exactly like Red Mango in Colorado.
Tuesday
We drove 30 minutes west to the next town over, Ruston. Ariel and I went to Seminary there, and had an entire lesson about marriage. I haven't had many of those in Seminary. Then Ariel went to be a shadow at Cedar Creek, a tiny private school, and Mom and Dad and I went house hunting. We found one house that reminded my mom of Connecticut that she and I both liked, but we still have yet to find a house we love. House hunting definitely gets boring after a while - I'll never be a real estate agent.
We met with people from Cedar Creek, and then drove around and looked at houses more. A Mormon family from Ruston invited us over for dessert to talk about moving to Louisiana, since they moved down here from New Jersey last year. Thier oldest daughter, Alise, was Ariel's age, and was quite amiable.
Wednesday
I got to sleep in this morning! Mom and Dad took Ariel to St. Frederick's, the local Catholic school to shadow, and then we house hunted later in the day. We found a few houses that were nice, but they're way far away from everything else. We picked Ariel up from St. Fredericks, and while we were in the meeting with their principal, I found out that I got a scholarship to BYU! That was very exciting. After we drove around and looked at more houses, a woman from church and her daughter (one year younger than me) took my family to dinner, and then to Mutual. For Mutual, we mostly sat around and talked, but also flew kites by the river. It was really fun, and I really like all the girls in YWs here. They're all so friendly, and fun, and they seem a lot more close-knit than the YW in my ward back home. It's nice.
Thursday
Another morning to sleep in! I worked on some homework, and then we drove to Ruston again so that Ariel could visit Ruston High School. While in Ruston, we looked at some more houses, and then met with the school counselor at Ruston High. Then we drove back to Monroe, went to Walmart, and have returned home for now, until we go to Sarah Katherine's house to watch the BYU Basketball game and eat dinner.
So that's what's been going on. I miss my bed. It's much more comfortable than the bed Ariel and I have to share here. And Ariel's a bit of a blanket hog, and apparently I am too, so it'll be better when I'm back in my own bed. But I don't want to leave the warmth and green of this place. I feel like it's summer here, since I haven't been in school and it's so warm. I don't want to go back to two more months of school and cold... :(
But I do miss my friends. Ugh. Conflicted.
I was thinking today about the Aladdin deal when I was listening to a song by Relient K - Which To Bury, Us Or The Hatchet?. I think it would be nice and easy to just not speak to him again and then just move to Louisiana and go to BYU without ever seeing him again. But it'd also be cowardice. And I don't want to take the easy way out. I want to do the right thing, the thing that takes bravery, and guts, and hotheadedness, and whatever else it is that we Gryffindors have.
- Many hours later -
I just got back from Sarah Katherine's house. We ate a ton of food and watched the BYU Basketball game. I had never watched a basketball game before, but it was exciting. It was hilarious to hear a lady older than my mom shout at the TV "You just got Jimmered!".
I still don't know what to do about the whole Aladdin-hates-me-and-never-wants-to-speak-to-me-again-but-I-don't-want-to-leave-on-a-bad-note situation. Sigh.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Louisiana Part 2
Sunday
First off, my family went to church. My mom and Ariel and I went to the Monroe ward, and my dad went to the Ruston ward.
We sat in the Monroe chapel for a while before anyone else got there (we were early because Dad had to drop us off and get to the Ruston ward on time). We thought for a while that we might not be overwhelmed with hellos from people we didn't know. Then the women showed up. We were introduced to half the ward, I'm sure, and everybody was extremely friendly. The woman who sat behind us in Sacrament Meeting spoke a little Japanese and Spanish, which made my mom very happy.
After Sacrament Meeting, Ariel and I were whisked away to Sunday School by a guy called Big John, who lived up to his name. I felt like I had been run over by a bus of friendliness when Sarah Katherine found me, and I was introduced to everyone several times.
Sunday School started, and there were so many Southern accents around that I felt like I was in Huckleberry Finn.
In Young Women's, I shocked everyone by revealing that my high school has no football team. They had no idea what we could do without a football team - it was crazy!
After church, we talked to Bishop Coenen about the area while we waited for Dad to pick us up. Then we drove around and looked at houses, and even went into one open house.
We were invited to the Coenen's house for dinner, so we went to their house and socialized for quite a while. I think I know all the older children now. I spent a while talking to Emily, who's in seventh grade. I quite liked her. The missionaries were also over for dinner, as were the Morrises, who have two daughters that are each a year younger than Ariel and I. We all ate and socialized a lot. Sister Coenen had gotten chocolate milk for me after hearing that I really like it - I can't believe how incredibly nice people are here!
We eventually came home, and then fell asleep.
Monday
Ariel and I started the day off with Seminary at 6:10. Sister Morris, who was at dinner last night, taught the lesson. I had the hardest time staying awake. I felt really bad, but man, I just need to sleep more!
After Seminary, we darted back to the apartment to get my backpack for Ariel to take to the school she was shadowing at that day. Then we drove around more neighborhoods, and I fell asleep. Again.
Then Mom and Dad and I met with our real estate agent, who drove us around to a bunch of different houses. It was interesting at first, but eventually got really boring. And I was tired and hungry. I did try a wrap from this one sandwich place; it had seasame seeds and olives in it.
We picked Ariel up, and heard about her day, and now we're back at the apartment, exchanging info with Ariel while Dad naps. And I think I need a nap too.
First off, my family went to church. My mom and Ariel and I went to the Monroe ward, and my dad went to the Ruston ward.
We sat in the Monroe chapel for a while before anyone else got there (we were early because Dad had to drop us off and get to the Ruston ward on time). We thought for a while that we might not be overwhelmed with hellos from people we didn't know. Then the women showed up. We were introduced to half the ward, I'm sure, and everybody was extremely friendly. The woman who sat behind us in Sacrament Meeting spoke a little Japanese and Spanish, which made my mom very happy.
After Sacrament Meeting, Ariel and I were whisked away to Sunday School by a guy called Big John, who lived up to his name. I felt like I had been run over by a bus of friendliness when Sarah Katherine found me, and I was introduced to everyone several times.
Sunday School started, and there were so many Southern accents around that I felt like I was in Huckleberry Finn.
In Young Women's, I shocked everyone by revealing that my high school has no football team. They had no idea what we could do without a football team - it was crazy!
After church, we talked to Bishop Coenen about the area while we waited for Dad to pick us up. Then we drove around and looked at houses, and even went into one open house.
We were invited to the Coenen's house for dinner, so we went to their house and socialized for quite a while. I think I know all the older children now. I spent a while talking to Emily, who's in seventh grade. I quite liked her. The missionaries were also over for dinner, as were the Morrises, who have two daughters that are each a year younger than Ariel and I. We all ate and socialized a lot. Sister Coenen had gotten chocolate milk for me after hearing that I really like it - I can't believe how incredibly nice people are here!
We eventually came home, and then fell asleep.
Monday
Ariel and I started the day off with Seminary at 6:10. Sister Morris, who was at dinner last night, taught the lesson. I had the hardest time staying awake. I felt really bad, but man, I just need to sleep more!
After Seminary, we darted back to the apartment to get my backpack for Ariel to take to the school she was shadowing at that day. Then we drove around more neighborhoods, and I fell asleep. Again.
Then Mom and Dad and I met with our real estate agent, who drove us around to a bunch of different houses. It was interesting at first, but eventually got really boring. And I was tired and hungry. I did try a wrap from this one sandwich place; it had seasame seeds and olives in it.
We picked Ariel up, and heard about her day, and now we're back at the apartment, exchanging info with Ariel while Dad naps. And I think I need a nap too.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Louisiana Part 1
Saturday
We woke up at 3:30 in the morning to drive to the airport and catch our flight to Dallas. I fell asleep in the car on the way there, Mom got a random TSA pat-down, and I felt like Atlas, since I was carrying all of European history, which is basically Europe, on my back in textbook form.
On the plan, none of my family had seats together. Ariel was one seat behind me, and Mom and Dad were both a couple rows up. I was next to two girls about my age who were very intrigued by the MTV Spring Break playing on the airplane TV. I was not so intrigued. I fell asleep for most of the flight.
As we were waiting to get off the plane after we landed, the flight attendants, Ariel, me and a couple other people in the plane were very entertained by the little boy on the plane, who was being adorable. We all wished him a happy birthday (he was three that day) and then finally got to get off the plane.
Dallas felt wonderfully warm and humid. I love the heat and I love humidity. Everything was green there; it was shocking! I absolutely loved it.
We got our rental car, and began our drive to Monroe, Louisiana. We stopped at the LDS Dallas Temple on the way there, and it was beautiful. Then I fell asleep for most of the ride to Louisiana. Did I ever mention that I cannot stay awake while traveling?
We finally arrived in Monroe, and unpacked at the apartment that Dad's company has rented for him to use until we buy a house. It's a nice apartment. Then we went and picked up a sport coat that Dad had ordered, and took him home to watch a BYU Basketball game while Mom and Ariel and I scoped out the local mall and bought groceries. The Walmart here is exactly the same as the Walmart at home.
People here are so friendly! It's quite incredible. Dad needs the computer again, so more to come later!
We woke up at 3:30 in the morning to drive to the airport and catch our flight to Dallas. I fell asleep in the car on the way there, Mom got a random TSA pat-down, and I felt like Atlas, since I was carrying all of European history, which is basically Europe, on my back in textbook form.
On the plan, none of my family had seats together. Ariel was one seat behind me, and Mom and Dad were both a couple rows up. I was next to two girls about my age who were very intrigued by the MTV Spring Break playing on the airplane TV. I was not so intrigued. I fell asleep for most of the flight.
As we were waiting to get off the plane after we landed, the flight attendants, Ariel, me and a couple other people in the plane were very entertained by the little boy on the plane, who was being adorable. We all wished him a happy birthday (he was three that day) and then finally got to get off the plane.
Dallas felt wonderfully warm and humid. I love the heat and I love humidity. Everything was green there; it was shocking! I absolutely loved it.
We got our rental car, and began our drive to Monroe, Louisiana. We stopped at the LDS Dallas Temple on the way there, and it was beautiful. Then I fell asleep for most of the ride to Louisiana. Did I ever mention that I cannot stay awake while traveling?
We finally arrived in Monroe, and unpacked at the apartment that Dad's company has rented for him to use until we buy a house. It's a nice apartment. Then we went and picked up a sport coat that Dad had ordered, and took him home to watch a BYU Basketball game while Mom and Ariel and I scoped out the local mall and bought groceries. The Walmart here is exactly the same as the Walmart at home.
People here are so friendly! It's quite incredible. Dad needs the computer again, so more to come later!
Friday, March 18, 2011
My Rebel Yell
Today was the most rebellious day of my high school career. I left 3rd period orchestra to buy donuts for the class (at the teacher's request) and left my 7th period study hall. I'm not very good at this whole rebellion deal.
I fell completely asleep in Seminary. The teacher put on a movie, turned out that lights, and I was a goner.
We didn't do much at school all day. Which was nice. We finished the Matrix in English, and the ending was really dumb. I hate it when science fiction can't figure out its ending, so it just uses something that doesn't belong in the science fiction genre, like true love's kiss saving someone from death. I think I expect every plot to be as intricately planned and thought out and revealed as Harry Potter, which sets me up for perpetual disappointment.
Today was relaxing partially because Aladdin wasn't at school. I didn't have to worry about running into him, or what to do around him. And that was nice.
I drove Mr. Bingley to a church activity, where we sat around, talked, played games, and ate waffles. It was fun.
Now I have to finish packing for my first trip to Monroe ever - yay for spring break!
I fell completely asleep in Seminary. The teacher put on a movie, turned out that lights, and I was a goner.
We didn't do much at school all day. Which was nice. We finished the Matrix in English, and the ending was really dumb. I hate it when science fiction can't figure out its ending, so it just uses something that doesn't belong in the science fiction genre, like true love's kiss saving someone from death. I think I expect every plot to be as intricately planned and thought out and revealed as Harry Potter, which sets me up for perpetual disappointment.
Today was relaxing partially because Aladdin wasn't at school. I didn't have to worry about running into him, or what to do around him. And that was nice.
I drove Mr. Bingley to a church activity, where we sat around, talked, played games, and ate waffles. It was fun.
Now I have to finish packing for my first trip to Monroe ever - yay for spring break!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Just Confused.
Aladdin and I still haven't spoken since he blew up at me.
Yesterday I had a mutual friend deliver him a note I wrote, which said only: "I really did want to help. I'm sorry." The mutual friend said that when Aladdin read it, he tore it to pieces, and, unsatisfied with just that, proceeded to rip a poster off a school bulletin board and tear that to pieces too. So pretty much that didn't help anything at all.
Then I came home and worked on a projects for Roots of Conflict.
Then Mr. Bingley told me that he and Aladdin have been exchanging Facebook messages. Whattheheck? I think Mr. Bingley meant to help, but I don't think it has. Aladdin leaves for Peru early tomorrow morning, and will never speak to me again.
I almost tried to talk to him today after school when I saw him. But he had other people with him. And didn't even look at me. So it didn't happen.
So I guess that's the end of our story. No hopeful ending, or uplifting message. Just a girl who wanted to help a boy, and failed, and was used and hurt in the process, and a boy who could have had an uplifting story with a happy ending, but didn't.
The senior class got lectures about safe behavior in college today, which made me glad I'm going to BYU. We also got lectures about finances and ending high school well. Our principal really stressed telling people how much we'll miss them and repairing broken relationships. I wish I could do that.
Yesterday I had a mutual friend deliver him a note I wrote, which said only: "I really did want to help. I'm sorry." The mutual friend said that when Aladdin read it, he tore it to pieces, and, unsatisfied with just that, proceeded to rip a poster off a school bulletin board and tear that to pieces too. So pretty much that didn't help anything at all.
Then I came home and worked on a projects for Roots of Conflict.
Then Mr. Bingley told me that he and Aladdin have been exchanging Facebook messages. Whattheheck? I think Mr. Bingley meant to help, but I don't think it has. Aladdin leaves for Peru early tomorrow morning, and will never speak to me again.
I almost tried to talk to him today after school when I saw him. But he had other people with him. And didn't even look at me. So it didn't happen.
So I guess that's the end of our story. No hopeful ending, or uplifting message. Just a girl who wanted to help a boy, and failed, and was used and hurt in the process, and a boy who could have had an uplifting story with a happy ending, but didn't.
The senior class got lectures about safe behavior in college today, which made me glad I'm going to BYU. We also got lectures about finances and ending high school well. Our principal really stressed telling people how much we'll miss them and repairing broken relationships. I wish I could do that.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
And It's Official.
Aladdin didn't like me in the first place. He just wanted someone, didn't matter who. I was a good choice because I was so willing to give so much. Guess he got what he wanted.
Well, Aladdin Hates Me
Aladdin hates me. I did nothing to deserve his hate, but it's there.
I've been nothing but supportive of him. I've been there for him and put up with crap that no one else would have.
I asked for nothing in return. When I felt sad, or lonely, I never asked for support. I never got any. I gave him everything.
And now he's gone and decided that I'm the worst friend in the world, and I've done nothing but hurt him.
Of all things, he's decided that I've been the one to abandon him.
So after screaming and swearing at me over Facebook chat, he up and left. He wouldn't come back.
I have lost him forever, and he hates me.
I never hated him. He broke my heart, and then wanted me to keep it open to him. And I did. It wasn't enough for him.
Sorry.
I've been nothing but supportive of him. I've been there for him and put up with crap that no one else would have.
I asked for nothing in return. When I felt sad, or lonely, I never asked for support. I never got any. I gave him everything.
And now he's gone and decided that I'm the worst friend in the world, and I've done nothing but hurt him.
Of all things, he's decided that I've been the one to abandon him.
So after screaming and swearing at me over Facebook chat, he up and left. He wouldn't come back.
I have lost him forever, and he hates me.
I never hated him. He broke my heart, and then wanted me to keep it open to him. And I did. It wasn't enough for him.
Sorry.
Beigeland
Remember that ad that was on TV ages ago, where everything was blah and colorless except for the block of cheese, that said "Escape from beigeland; start with cheese"? That's where I am right now. Beigeland. But no amount of cheese is going to help, or at least, that chunk in the fridge didn't.
There's just not really any color left to life. Get up, go to Seminary, be bored, go home, go to school, be bored, come home, do homework, be bored, work out, fall asleep. Nothing new. Nothing... exciting, envigorating. Sure, there's interesting stuff, and stuff I like, and stuff I dislike, but nothing to make me feel like there's something worth getting up for. Just a whole lot of beige.
I don't suppose I'd mind the beige too much if I hadn't just had a whole bunch of color.
Aladdin's not speaking to me. So much for his whole "I want to be friends" spiel.
Last night, as I was talking to my friend Erika, she told me that she had many times thought that she should break up with her boyfriend when she was in periods of depression, but that it usually got put off until after she was through with her depression spell, after which she would realize that breaking up was not a good idea. It made me wonder if that's what Aladdin did. And that's really... not cool, to think that all this suckage and heartbreak might be the whim of a kid too depressed to think properly. Maybe it's not, but it's a possibility.
My friend Hannah and I made a top ten list of the worst reasons to break up with someone in European History yesterday.
The Top Ten Worst Reasons To Break Up With Someone
10. "We're gonna break up anyway, might as well be now."
9. "Somebody trip-dog-dared me, so I have to do it."
8. "Something supernatural told me to."
7. "You don't like the right (insert something dumb here)."
6. "I feel threatened by your Halo prowess."
5. "According to Twilight, this is what's supposed to happen if we're to be together for eternity."
4. "It's to protect you from Lord Voldemort."
3. "My cat doesn't like you."
2. "I had a dream that you cheated on/hurt me."
1. "I love you too much."
I'm off to go work out (a lighter shade of beige) and then work on my Roots project about genocide (a very dark shade of beige).
There's just not really any color left to life. Get up, go to Seminary, be bored, go home, go to school, be bored, come home, do homework, be bored, work out, fall asleep. Nothing new. Nothing... exciting, envigorating. Sure, there's interesting stuff, and stuff I like, and stuff I dislike, but nothing to make me feel like there's something worth getting up for. Just a whole lot of beige.
I don't suppose I'd mind the beige too much if I hadn't just had a whole bunch of color.
Aladdin's not speaking to me. So much for his whole "I want to be friends" spiel.
Last night, as I was talking to my friend Erika, she told me that she had many times thought that she should break up with her boyfriend when she was in periods of depression, but that it usually got put off until after she was through with her depression spell, after which she would realize that breaking up was not a good idea. It made me wonder if that's what Aladdin did. And that's really... not cool, to think that all this suckage and heartbreak might be the whim of a kid too depressed to think properly. Maybe it's not, but it's a possibility.
My friend Hannah and I made a top ten list of the worst reasons to break up with someone in European History yesterday.
The Top Ten Worst Reasons To Break Up With Someone
10. "We're gonna break up anyway, might as well be now."
9. "Somebody trip-dog-dared me, so I have to do it."
8. "Something supernatural told me to."
7. "You don't like the right (insert something dumb here)."
6. "I feel threatened by your Halo prowess."
5. "According to Twilight, this is what's supposed to happen if we're to be together for eternity."
4. "It's to protect you from Lord Voldemort."
3. "My cat doesn't like you."
2. "I had a dream that you cheated on/hurt me."
1. "I love you too much."
I'm off to go work out (a lighter shade of beige) and then work on my Roots project about genocide (a very dark shade of beige).
Sunday, March 13, 2011
All Aboard The Failboat
Aladdin was the one thing I was going to do right. After messing up with everything else, I was going to get this one right.
And I thought I did everything right. And it still failed.
For once, I was going to do something well.
It could have worked. We could have parted on good terms, both knowing that it was only because of the logistics of life, because it was time. We could have been spared heartbreak.
I guess I can just add this to my pile of failures to regret.
And I thought I did everything right. And it still failed.
For once, I was going to do something well.
It could have worked. We could have parted on good terms, both knowing that it was only because of the logistics of life, because it was time. We could have been spared heartbreak.
I guess I can just add this to my pile of failures to regret.
March dances just suck.
I thought things were going well with Aladdin. Or at least as well as they could be, considering everything Aladdin has to deal with. But I guess they weren't. Because he dumped me last night.
And it sucks. He said he's trying to protect me, since his instability is bound to end up hurting anyone close to him. That's true, but I'd expressed to him that I didn't care. But he stuck to the "I'm not good enough for you" spiel. But that can't be it. That definitely can't be it. It's got to be a cover for an "I'm not interested anymore". I guess it's nice of him to try to soften the blow, but really, I'm just ticked off. And even if the "I'm doing this for you" thing is truly what he thinks, how the heck would he know what's best for me? He hasn't even got a clue what's best for him.
So now I'm back to where I was in the first place: loving and wanting to help Aladdin, and not being able to. Just when things are getting the worst for him.
Rejection sucks.
I can't figure out what I did wrong. I was kind, I was understanding, I didn't flip out over anything, I was loyal...
I guess I'll never be good enough.
And it sucks. He said he's trying to protect me, since his instability is bound to end up hurting anyone close to him. That's true, but I'd expressed to him that I didn't care. But he stuck to the "I'm not good enough for you" spiel. But that can't be it. That definitely can't be it. It's got to be a cover for an "I'm not interested anymore". I guess it's nice of him to try to soften the blow, but really, I'm just ticked off. And even if the "I'm doing this for you" thing is truly what he thinks, how the heck would he know what's best for me? He hasn't even got a clue what's best for him.
So now I'm back to where I was in the first place: loving and wanting to help Aladdin, and not being able to. Just when things are getting the worst for him.
Rejection sucks.
I can't figure out what I did wrong. I was kind, I was understanding, I didn't flip out over anything, I was loyal...
I guess I'll never be good enough.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Acronyms Included in This Post: CSAP, AP, BYU
Updates:
1. I won 4th place at the Speech and Debate competition, which was unexpected, since I hadn't competed in two years and hadn't competed in that event in three years.
2. I got accepted to Brigham Young University and have told them that I will be attending BYU in the fall. Finally!
3. I lived through my last round of Parent/Teacher conferences, and they were actually quite nice, since I had all A's.
4. My mother has discovered that she can get rid of stuff really quickly by putting it on Craigslist, and is really excited about this.
5. Aladdin and I watched the movie The Dish together, and he loved it. My family might have never spoken to him again if he hadn't liked it, so that was a relief. :)
Now I'm drowning in info from BYU about housing, classes, sending AP scores and more housing. Yikes!
Seniors don't have school today or tomorrow because grades 3-10 are busy taking CSAPs (super boring state-mandated standardized tests from Hades), so I get a day off!
Yesterday, I took Ariel to the library, and then we went to Noodles and Company with our friends Olivia, Allyson and Kelly. After that we headed over to the grocery store next door, where we ran into my mom and church leader. We bought some ice cream and cheesecake, and then watched Despicable Me at my house, which I loved.
Now I'll return to the seas of BYU housing info. Wish me luck!
1. I won 4th place at the Speech and Debate competition, which was unexpected, since I hadn't competed in two years and hadn't competed in that event in three years.
2. I got accepted to Brigham Young University and have told them that I will be attending BYU in the fall. Finally!
3. I lived through my last round of Parent/Teacher conferences, and they were actually quite nice, since I had all A's.
4. My mother has discovered that she can get rid of stuff really quickly by putting it on Craigslist, and is really excited about this.
5. Aladdin and I watched the movie The Dish together, and he loved it. My family might have never spoken to him again if he hadn't liked it, so that was a relief. :)
Now I'm drowning in info from BYU about housing, classes, sending AP scores and more housing. Yikes!
Seniors don't have school today or tomorrow because grades 3-10 are busy taking CSAPs (super boring state-mandated standardized tests from Hades), so I get a day off!
Yesterday, I took Ariel to the library, and then we went to Noodles and Company with our friends Olivia, Allyson and Kelly. After that we headed over to the grocery store next door, where we ran into my mom and church leader. We bought some ice cream and cheesecake, and then watched Despicable Me at my house, which I loved.
Now I'll return to the seas of BYU housing info. Wish me luck!
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