History Has No Paragraph Breaks (Part 1)

In 1500, stuff started happening that the AP Euro exam could quiz us on. Europe was leaving the Dark Ages, or Middle Ages, or Medieval times or whatever the heck you want to call them. The Renaissance showed up, with all its Classical ideas, and suddenly a bunch of guys painted, sculpted, invented, wrote and thought of a lot of things. The general self-esteem of people inflated, and they started to think that humans were actually pretty cool, rather than sucking like they thought in the Middle Ages. Gutenberg invented this printing press and then everybody started reading. And that fueled the Protestant Reformation, which is what happened when Martin Luther sat through one too many masses that went waaay over schedule, and led half of Europe away from the Catholic church. Then Henry the VIII needed an heir, which he figured a new wife would provide him with (Of course, Henry! It's not *your* stinking sperm that keep producing daughters!), only Catholics weren't so hot about the divorce idea, so Henry started the Anglican church, which was bascially the Catholic Church but run by the English monarchy. And this whole religion thing really ticked everyone off, because some German princes were making it all political, and Europe fought the 30 Years War, in which a lot of people died and no one really gained anything. And there was a law that said that leaders could pick between Catholicism and Protestantism for their state's official religion. Also, Spain explored the New World and then had an Inquisition. France had some kings, and they got all into absolutism and the divine right of kings, and basically started to increase their power to the point where they ruled everything. Louis XIV was particularly good at this. A bunch of science guys (Bill Nye's predecessors) started a Scientific Revolution, and people decided that the Earth goes around the Sun, not round and round the garden like a teddy bear, and the Scientific Method really caught on, much to the dismay of 8th graders everywhere. Then some guys started thinking about economics, and invented mercantilism, which sent European nations into a scramble for colonies like a bunch of kindergarteners with a pinata.

(to be continued)