Mankind Was My Business!

I spend a lot of time studying business and finances. My homework routinely involves billion-dollar decisions that will someday be real decisions for me to make. In my future career, I'll be pushed and have more demands on my time, efforts, and attention that I could possibly meet. It's easy for people in business to forget the world around them. It's easy to let someone else attend to the needs of the world, since we're busy conducting business that grows the economy and benefits the world. We may even begin to think that if everyone would make the wise financial decisions we make, people wouldn't even need help or charity.

Surely that line of thought is similar to how Charles Dickens' Ebeneezer Scrooge of A Christmas Carol might have begun his descent into a "tight-fisted hand at the grindstone... a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster." 

In an attempt to warn Scrooge of the error of his way, his old friend Jacob Marley's ghost appears to him, and what he tells Scrooge is something I hope to live by my entire life:

"Business!" cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. "Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence were all my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!"

Mankind is my business. Charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence are my business. Accounting is what I am paid to do. Accounting is but the means by which I will fund my true purpose in life: to help my fellow men. 

God Gives Us What We Need

This week, I've had a ton of help from heaven in getting everything done. I've been blessed with particularly restful sleep the past two days, equipping me for the draining days ahead. I'm confident that the reason I had such an easy time with understanding my reading assignments yesterday was because the Lord quickened my mind. Somehow, I managed to fit everything in that I had to do. The Lord blessed me with fantastic teachers who engaged me in class, wonderful friends at work, and a boyfriend who's so mindful of me that he came to pick me up from work even when I forgot to ask him to, and brought me delicious Tim Tams. I forgot to set an alarm this morning, but Heavenly Father provided me with a miracle and I woke up barely in time to have Ariel drive me to class. I thought my team meeting was earlier than it was, but it turns out it wasn't and I had time to finish preparing for the meeting.

What I've noticed about these little miracles is that Heavenly Father gave me what I needed, but only just. I would have loved to have been woken up in time for a shower and breakfast today, but it wasn't necessary. Heavenly Father does let me struggle and He does push me so that I learn and grow, but in the end he bails me out of trouble when I can't do any more. I would have loved a really straightforward and obvious answer to my questions about which accounting firm to intern with, but instead, Heavenly Father let me struggle with the decision and gave me an answer only in a contented feeling about my decision.

When I think about it, this model of divine help totally makes sense with God's role as our parent. Good parents don't do everything for their children - rather, they allow their kids to do all they can for themselves, and then provide the help they need for the rest. God helps us just enough because he loves us.

Jesus Declares the Parable of the Lost Sheep

My New Testament class studied this parable this week. We discussed how in the parable of the lost sheep, the sheep gets lost because it’s not paying attention to what’s going on, where it’s going, or where the rest of the flock is going. The sheep gets so involved with eating (appeasing its appetite) that it forgets to follow the shepherd. The sheep isn’t willfully running off from the flock – sheep are just *really* dumb. Still, the shepherd goes out and finds the sheep.

What struck me about this video was the shepherd's reaction to finding the sheep - he isn't irritated with the sheep for wandering off. He doesn't berate the sheep for being an idiot. He is just joyed to have found it, and doesn't just bid it follow him, but scoops it up and carries it. It's a literal illustration of "He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young."

The Lord is infinitely patient with those who wander, including me, and I should strive to be so too. I should rejoice when lost sheep are found, rather than feeling irritated that they were ever lost in the first place. It's like my old accounting professor would say - past costs are sunk costs.

Miserere - Gregorio Allegri

Lyrics:
Miserere mei, Deus: secundum magnam misericordiam tuam.
Et secundum multitudinem miserationum tuarum, dele iniquitatem meam.
Amplius lava me ab iniquitate mea: et a peccato meo munda me.
Quoniam iniquitatem meam ego cognosco: et peccatum meum contra me est semper.
Tibi soli peccavi, et malum coram te feci: ut justificeris in sermonibus tuis, et vincas cum judicaris.
Ecce enim in iniquitatibus conceptus sum: et in peccatis concepit me mater mea.
Ecce enim veritatem dilexisti: incerta et occulta sapientiae tuae manifestasti mihi.
Asperges me hysopo, et mundabor: lavabis me, et super nivem dealbabor.
Auditui meo dabis gaudium et laetitiam: et exsultabunt ossa humiliata.
Averte faciem tuam a peccatis meis: et omnes iniquitates meas dele.
Cor mundum crea in me, Deus: et spiritum rectum innova in visceribus meis.
Ne proiicias me a facie tua: et spiritum sanctum tuum ne auferas a me.
Redde mihi laetitiam salutaris tui: et spiritu principali confirma me.
Docebo iniquos vias tuas: et impii ad te convertentur.
Libera me de sanguinibus, Deus, Deus salutis meae: et exsultabit lingua mea justitiam tuam.
Domine, labia mea aperies: et os meum annuntiabit laudem tuam.
Quoniam si voluisses sacrificium, dedissem utique: holocaustis non delectaberis.
Sacrificium Deo spiritus contribulatus: cor contritum, et humiliatum, Deus, non despicies.
Benigne fac, Domine, in bona voluntate tua Sion: ut aedificentur muri Ierusalem.
Tunc acceptabis sacrificium justitiae, oblationes, et holocausta: tunc imponent super altare tuum vitulos

Translation:
Have mercy upon me, O God, after Thy great goodness
According to the multitude of Thy mercies do away mine offences.
Wash me throughly from my wickedness: and cleanse me from my sin.
For I acknowledge my faults: and my sin is ever before me.
Against Thee only have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that Thou mightest be justified in Thy saying, and clear when Thou art judged.
Behold, I was shapen in wickedness: and in sin hath my mother conceived me.
But lo, Thou requirest truth in the inward parts: and shalt make me to understand wisdom secretly.
Thou shalt purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: Thou shalt wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Thou shalt make me hear of joy and gladness: that the bones which Thou hast broken may rejoice.
Turn Thy face from my sins: and put out all my misdeeds.
Make me a clean heart, O God: and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from Thy presence: and take not Thy Holy Spirit from me.
O give me the comfort of Thy help again: and stablish me with Thy free Spirit.
Then shall I teach Thy ways unto the wicked: and sinners shall be converted unto Thee.
Deliver me from blood-guiltiness, O God, Thou that art the God of my health: and my tongue shall sing of Thy righteousness.
Thou shalt open my lips, O Lord: and my mouth shall shew Thy praise.
For Thou desirest no sacrifice, else would I give it Thee: but Thou delightest not in burnt-offerings.
The sacrifice of God is a troubled spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God, shalt Thou not despise.
O be favourable and gracious unto Sion: build Thou the walls of Jerusalem.
Then shalt Thou be pleased with the sacrifice of righteousness, with the burnt-offerings and oblations: then shall they offer young bullocks upon Thine altar.


I found this piece on Pandora, and recognized it from hearing it in the background when my mom would watch Chariots of Fire (which I still need to see.) I'm obsessed. It's ethereal and other-wordly in beauty. When I hear it, I feel like I'm in an ancient cathedral, surrounded by the spirits of those who were there centuries before me. I feel connected to them - for all of us endure mortality, and it is to the same Christ that we look to for salvation. I've often wondered what meeting people from so long ago will be like in the next life. What could we possibly have to talk about? But songs like this make me think that while at first I might not have the words to fully engage the Polish woman who died in 1400, we'll get there eventually. And that makes me believe that my daily struggles are possible as well, thanks to Christ, the author of all.

God Humored Me Today

I feel self-conscious about this, but I want to record something anyway.

I was feeling pretty down on myself and inadequate and generally upset. Nothing was helping me feel better - not seeing friends, not calling people, not seeing the sun. I didn't have much time, but I decided to listen to some music as I walked to the other side of campus. I said a quick prayer asking God to let the songs shuffle to something that would bring me comfort. First song that came up was What Sweeter Music. My favorite. The most comforting song.

It's not a big miracle, but I'm confident it wasn't chance. God loves me, enough to humor me on my silly request for comfort. It's a big miracle to me. I feel strongly that God loves me even though I'm very imperfect and seeks to bless me and help me along my way. And that's making me feel a lot better.